When something or someone doesn’t work out the way we planned or hoped them to be, or even just not sure of the next step, doesn’t mean defeat, most likely that thing or that person deterred or re-routed the path you were on, and along the way that experience gave you exactly what you needed, and now that your back you see exactly what you have learned, how you have changed or not, what you can or cannot, and who you are or are not. So no you weren’t defeated but more knowledgeable, closer to being sure of yourself that thing or whomever, knowing now the difference between defeat vs. deterred. I’ve learned that it can be really simple or we make it extremely difficult and it still doesn’t change the simplicity of the thing is truly what it is, that person is truly what they are, but the experience is always a profound asset to the collection of your experiences that constructs your life. So how can that be a failure or defeat, we gain all along believing we were failing or defeated, it’s simply not true.
I want to share with you guys something that made me think, and it is actually calling me to act, Does Your Public Self Line Up With Your Personal Self, (Devon Franklin). Now you know what this means, it means do you honor yourself internally and personally the way you perform or conduct your self publicly, and I have to admit I can do a lot better. I believe when these two acts line up together you are at peace, and there is nothing to hide or nothing to fabricate, you are just who you say you are. I do believe you have to hit a level of maturity and to figure out if you want the world to know you are to know what you want them to know, there is a difference and I guess you have to begin with knowing yourself and who you are most of all what can you offer of yourself in service to others. I know I have some work to do but I learn something today, and when you learn you teach Maya Angelou,
You are who you say you are, You are who you think you are, and who is that you say you are?
These words have become a mantra, It is simply a call to show up to and in your life, It can’t be misunderstood or misinterpreted, its a conversation we already have with ourselves but for many reasons, it’s dismissed. This is one of the most important conversation we need to have, not only the question but what is your answer, and what are you doing with it, are we answering that question and then not doing anything , or are we answering and not happy with the response in turn pretending we haven’t a clue, “tell me whats happening” because nothing will ever change until we have the answer and then do something to reflect it. We allow other people to tell us who we are or should be, what we want or will have, what we do and have done, most importantly what you will do. Now if you think the questions will ever change and you won’t be called upon your mistaken, now what can change is how many times you ask yourself and boldly answer with authority and purpose. You are who you say you are, You are who you think you are, Who is it that you say you are?
In a state of chronic sufferance, there are little to no choices, a prayer is quickly converted to a plea, a life of limitations and ignorance is an imprisonment and this is what we do to ourselves, a life without choices is a life not worth living at all. When we are blessed with choices you hold the power to change your state of being to a positive and unfamiliar but liberating experience, but we have to make the choice that frees us one choice at a time. It is so important to know what we want because then we know what to ask for, there is power in having a choice because that one choice turns into an opportunity that can change your life. Search your heart and soul and ask what it wants from you and then choose to just do it, give yourself the choice and then create the opportunity to use it. Whatever it looks like do things to bring it forward in your life and it won’t be pretty in the beginning but the actions you take will groom it and create a beautiful opportunity, and what’s makes it beautiful is it’s just for you, take it and understand that it is your power.
- It really is mind over matter, motivation needs to be activated by being emotional attached and excited to the aspect of your ideas your goals. When you really are clear about what your goal is or what you want to do in your life you have to see it and imagine how it will feel, get your emotions involved so the motivation center is activated to thrust you to action.
Welcome Welcome, I have to tell you this is a hard place but it has to start here, I remember this place, It was so unkind and merciless but The raw truth was what I needed to understand where I was, I was uncomfortable in the skin I was in, Fist this will only happen if one thing happens, enlightenment has had to already happen because otherwise you would still be wrapped up in your pretty packages or in your cloud of unawareness, believing you have gotten everything you can from this life and contented. Let me just share something with you about those packages you’re wrapped up in and force yourself to believe you’re fine because it looks good on the outside, and that’s how you hide from the world and anything that is going to challenge you to wiggle around and feel something. the packages are worst because you will never get what you need, you will not grow and that package is not preserving you, you are still rotting from the inside out just like the rest of us that have checked out of the race, but you’re not even breathing the fresh air, the wrappers are not going to remove themselves they will never give you room to breathe, this is where you ripped those wrappers off and join us out here in the world, where it is difficult, and it’s unfair and you may have to feel a little bit, but you have to give yourself this chance.There is power in confronting your fears, disarming and neutralizing what has caused unproductivity leaves that thing ineffective, drawing it out of the corners of your existence and facing it head-on gives you back the power it has held over you.
There are things you know it’s time to let go and forgive some people you never thought you could and listen it’s not about them it’s about you powering up. The old habits people places and things have to take a back seat, and if it or they are not worthy then they can’t even get in the car, but the things that have kept you bound have to be replaced with the things that help free you. So listen’ it’s you, and you have to throw yourself in unknown territory, things, and people that are not like you, where you can learn how to not be what you’re escaping. When I was at this point I was so desperate, I was choking on my tears, the air I was breathing was killing me, I knew my time was up doing the things I did and the way I did them, I knew it but I didn’t know how to change it, I was clawing my way out of the hole I lived in for so long but there were no how-tos, I needed somebody right there supporting me guiding me through the dark, so I am here to support you in that way. There is power in confronting your fears, disarming and neutralizing what has caused unproductivity leaves that thing ineffective, drawing it out of the corners of your existence and facing it head-on gives you back the power it has held over you.I can’t do this without you, please let me support you…I love you and I need you to show me how to be greatly free.
Self-development is key, Hers are some things you can try doing that help me connect with myself, Lisa Nichols offered this suggestion in one of her motivational videos, and I loved it.
get a piece of paper and write these things down and put it on your bathroom mirror so you see it every morning, and you won’t forget to start your day with his practice;
- Your Name, I’m proud that you (7 things)
- Your Name, I forgive you for (7 things)
- Your Name, I commit to that (7 things) (From Lisa Nichols)
If you were going to install new flooring in your home, would you determine how much material to order by measuring the size of the room with a random stick? Probably not. Hopefully, you’d use a tape measure that would accurately help you calculate the dimensions. Yet, when it comes to measuring self-worth, many people use something just as unreliable as a random stick.
We all have some sort of measuring stick that we use to determine our value as a human being. When we feel like we’re measuring up, we feel good about ourselves. But, when we feel like we’ve fallen short, our self-esteem can plummet.
Despite the fact that our measuring stick has so much influence over how we feel about ourselves, most people aren’t even conscious of what they’re using to determine their self-worth. But they are conscious of the fluctuations they experience in how they feel about themselves.
There are many different ways people measure their worthiness, and some of them aren’t healthy. Here are five common – yet potentially hazardous – ways people measure their self-worth:
1. Who You’re Surrounded By
There are a few different ways that people depend on others to give them value. While one person may think her worth depends on how much praise she receives from others, someone else may only feel good about herself when she’s in a relationship.
At other times, individuals feel worthy by surrounding themselves with important people. Rubbing shoulders with rich celebrities or “movers and shakers,” fuels their self-importance. A busy social calendar and a lengthy list of personal contacts helps them feel valuable.
Making your self-worth dependent upon others, however, is like chasing a moving target. You can’t control other people and you can’t please everyone all the time. If you base your self-worth entirely upon how others perceive you, you’ll never be able to receive enough praise or positive reinforcement to feel good about yourself.
2. What You Do
A career helps many people feel valued. Some people are quick to say something like, “I’m the co-founder of XYZ company,” or “I’m a lawyer,” not because it’s what they do – but because it’s who they are. Their career reinforces to them that they’re “somebody.”
Basing your self-worth on your job title is a big risk. A health problem, economic downturn, or unexpected shift in the job market may interfere with your career and lead to a major identity crisis. Even a planned retirement could wreak havoc on your self-worth if your identity is tied to your job title. In the absence of a high profile career, you won’t be able to feel good about yourself if you’ve always measured your self-worth by what you do.
3. How Much Money You Have
We’ve all met people who measure their self-worth by the size of their bank accounts. Sometimes people feel like they just can’t acquire enough wealth to be “valuable enough.” In a desperate attempt to prove their worth, they create a façade of wealth by going deeply into debt in hopes a luxury car or beautiful home will help them feel good about themselves.
While it makes sense to place a monetary value on goods and services, it doesn’t make sense to use money to determine your value as a human being. The amount of money you earn or expensive possessions you own will never be enough to satisfy your need to feel worthy.
4. What You Achieve
Sometimes people want to be known solely for their accomplishments. That person who always brags about her latest business venture may only feel good about herself when she is talking about her accomplishments. Or that person who just can’t stop beating himself up about that time that he failed, might struggle to move on because that one incident completely crushed his self-worth.
While it’s normal for your accomplishments to make you feel good, basing your entire self-worth on your achievements is like building your house on an unsteady foundation. You’ll need to experience repeated success in order to feel good about yourself – and that’s hard to maintain over the long-haul.
5. How You Look
While some people measure their self-worth by the numbers on a scale, others determine their value based on their ability to attract attention with their appearance. The media certainly fuels the notion that “you’re only as good as you look.” Marketing strategies frequently target our insecurities about everything from aging to weight gain.
If you were fortunate enough to be blessed with good looks, your beauty may serve as an advantage in life. But, a handsome face or a beautiful body won’t last forever. Wrinkles, a middle-age spread, gray hair, or a receding hairline can become catastrophic for anyone whose self-worth depends on their physical appearance.
Feeling Good About Who You Are
The way you choose to measure your worth as a person will serve as a major factor in the choices you make, the thoughts you have about life, and the way you feel about yourself. Know what measuring stick you’re using to determine your value and measure your self-worth based on the factors you can control – not the external events in your life.
When you know who you are – and you’re pleased with the person you’ve become – you’ll maintain a sense of peace throughout life’s inevitable ups and downs. Rather than experience major fluctuations in how you feel about yourself based on your latest success or most recent failure, you’ll believe in yourself regardless.
Measure your self-worth by who you are at your core. Doing so will help you focus on behaving according to your values, instead of chasing the things that will temporarily boost your self-esteem.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.
Pure humanity and love is such an amazing element of healing. The display of love soothes the soul and the chain reaction produces phenomenal gifts and serves abundantly.